How to Cope with Professional Ghosting
You’ve had several rounds of interviews, met the entire team (perhaps even the entire office), maybe you’ve done a presentation, submitted your references, given them your ideas, answered the same questions over and over…sent thank you notes. It seemed this was in the bag. They seemed to love you and the feeling was mutual…and now, weeks to months later…RADIO SILENCE.
It’s unfortunate but true. Similar to dating, just when you think your relationship might go to the next level, you are brought back down to earth. Do you reach out incessantly to find out what went wrong? Was it something you said/something you did? You’ve already dreamed about starting the job, perhaps you are already out there spending the new money you haven’t made yet?
First off, there’s really no excuse as to why employers don’t respond when it seems like you are a final candidate, but it’s important to answer why this most frequently happens. It doesn’t justify why but can offer some explanation.
1. They are still interviewing candidates. Yes, in a perfect world they would let you know that, but they leave it open-ended because the job is, literally, still open. They may have discussed their “ideal” timeline for hiring, which was to hire quickly, but in reality it can take longer. People get bogged down with work and there can be other delays out of their control such as approvals for hiring, budgets, and more.
2. The job isn’t actually available. Employers may spend time interviewing candidates for jobs they wish they could fill, but they don’t have the budget or approval to do so.
3. They legally had to interview you. You are a good candidate worthy of an interview but the job is actually going to someone else. What are reasons they may have to interview people anyway? Fair hiring practices. Diversity and inclusion. But they are promoting someone from within or hiring the CEO’s best friend’s cousin.
4. They offered it to someone else. And that someone else may still be negotiating the terms of employment. You still might get a call if that doesn’t work out. I plan to address this in another blog soon, how to accept or reject a job when you know you are the second choice. More on this later.
5. They don’t know how to tell you no. Yes, they may run a company or manage a team but they’d rather have their left arm cut off than send a difficult email or make a difficult call to reject someone, especially if they liked you, but they still had to go with someone else.
6. They are super busy. Do you want to work for someone who can’t get back to you? It could be that they are honestly preoccupied, and may have a good excuse, but with mobile phones there really is no excuse other than your email or call getting lost in the shuffle.
So what can you do if you are the victim of professional ghosting? Forget about the job and move on? That’s definitely an option. Here are some others.
1. Follow up! This seems obvious but I can’t tell you how many times I talk with clients who say they are sitting and waiting for the employer to reach out to them (and yes, they will eventually if they want to hire you!). If you want to know the current status, following up will keep you in the loop. People always ask me “when is it OK to follow up?”. I suggest that by the end of the interview you get a sense of the timeline for hiring and then follow up a few days after. Otherwise,two weeks is a fair time to inquire how the process is moving along. You can email them and then if you don’t get a response it’s OK to call.
2. Attempt to reach out to others. If the person you interviewed with isn’t responsive, try reaching out to the assistant who helped set up the interview, or the HR person who may have contacted you at the beginning of the process. If you started out by following up with them first, go directly to the source - the person(s) who interviewed you or who would ultimately be responsible for making the hiring decision. I would do this one at a time though, you don’t need to bombard everyone all at once.
3. Don’t harass them. After a polite attempt at following up – one email and one call, it is time to move on. I will address cutting your losses and how to move on from disappointment in an upcoming blog. Stay tuned!
4. Don’t take it personally. Of course it’s difficult not to, but there could be several reasons an opportunity doesn’t work out, and many of these reasons (if not all of them) have nothing to do with you or your quality as a candidate.
5. Take some time to reassess. Seek help from a career counselor, I am not just saying this because I am one. Every application and interview can be turned into a productive learning experience. Are you applying for jobs at companies that are the right fit for you? Perhaps it is time to revamp your resume, and discuss how you are answering questions and coming across in an interview. This doesn’t mean to blame yourself, but a little introspection never hurt. And this may increase your chances for a different outcome the next time around.
6. Stay positive and keep moving forward. Finding “the one” can take some time. It would be great if we could quantify how much time exactly, but the more jobs you apply to, the more connections you make, the better the chances are. Even if you’ve got a great shot at a particular opportunity, keep applying to jobs. The more irons you have in the fire, the less the rejections will sting you.